Burden of Survival Read online

  That promise he’d made to me, all those months ago. That was the one thing that kept him from being the kind of monster we’d met so many times since then. It was a fine line and I knew that he killed others but so long as they weren’t innocents, I found that I could still love him.

  “Morning,” Jenny said.

  I jumped at her sudden appearance from beside the tree and grimaced at her look of pleasure at my discomfort. Ryan didn’t seem fazed and I figured he likely knew she was there all along.

  “Good morning,” I said. Stay polite I told myself.

  The slim woman had her hand resting against the handle of the large carving knife that stuck out of her belt. Since Ryan had rescued her and killed her abusers, she’d been doing her best to emulate him as much as possible, following him around like a lovesick puppy.

  “We’ll leave you here,” Ryan said to me.

  “Don’t forget to see Will about the supplies,” I reminded him and he nodded absently.

  He pulled his arm free and paused as he waited for something. I smiled and patted him gently on the arm. He hated public displays of affection from others and more so when he was involved and I wouldn’t put him through that. He smiled warmly at me in thanks before setting off into the trees with Jenny following.

  Jealous bitch. I couldn’t help the thought as I watched him walk away. She’d spend the day with him and I hated that. The worst part was I knew he didn’t even realise how badly Jenny wanted to be with him.

  Even if he did, I doubted that he’d do anything with her. He’d had ample opportunity to be with other women while I was with him and he never had. None of them had been of interest to him but I had, which is a thought I held on to as he walked away with a woman who definitely wanted him.

  I pushed my worries about that to one side as I approached the round house. The doors were open and the people were up and about already. Cass and Gabby were leaning against the wall chatting as they waited for me.

  Several people nodded or waved in greeting as I passed. Too many though watched me warily. They knew I worked hard to help them but they couldn’t understand my choice of bed partner.

  “Hey,” Cass greeted brightly.

  “Good morning,” Gabby added.

  I smiled greetings at them both. Cass had been a friend since Ryan first rescued her and brought her to us while we’d found Gabby and her group hidden in the cellars beneath a row of houses in Windermere and persuaded her to join us.

  That had been just about the time that Rachel was at her worst and I couldn’t begin to apologise to her for what I’d dragged her group into. She’d taken it in her stride though and when the dust had settled had agreed to be one of the people to lead our band of refugees.

  “No sign from the mainland,” Gabby began without preamble. “I had Toby double check all three points and he saw nothing.”

  “Damn,” I said. “I was really hoping the Coniston people were just running late.”

  “What do you think we should do?” Cass asked.

  “I’ve asked Ryan to go over and check on them.”

  “Ah,” Gabby began with an apologetic look. “I’d rather send Toby.”

  “Why?”

  “He knows the woods and to be frank, I trust him more than I do your boyfriend.”

  Cass opened her mouth as though to reply but I shook my head at her as I considered what to say.

  “You know what Ryan’s done for these people,” I began.

  “I also know what’s said about him in whispers,” she interrupted. “I have no desire to argue with you but the folk around here are scared of him for a reason. Matthew for all his faults had been a policeman before this and he had his suspicions too.”

  “Matthew allowed Rachel to do the things she did,” Cass said pointedly.

  “Yes,” Gabby agreed. “And after that perhaps folk here need a little less of that sort of thing.”

  “What sort of thing?”

  “Every time someone dies, your boyfriend is there. They need to see less of him killing people and let the memories of how dangerous he can be fade.”

  As much as it pained me, she made sense, but I also knew that he was likely the best person for the job when it came to surviving amongst the undead.

  “Why not send both?” Cass asked.

  “That doesn’t solve the problem,” Gabby said.

  “Put Toby in charge,” Cass said. “Everyone can see Ryan doing good things for the group and know that any decisions made weren’t his. That way, they can see that some of the things he’s had to do are simply the things anyone else would have realised they needed to do eventually.”

  Gabby looked thoughtful as she considered and I mouthed thank you to my friend who beamed back at me in response. She was one of those who knew everything about Ryan’s past and while she’d taken a little convincing, she’d realised it was actually a benefit during the zombie apocalypse.

  “Perhaps,” the other woman said musingly.

  “It wouldn’t be a bad thing,” I said.

  “Fine I’ll talk to Toby, I assume we’ve no need to vote?”

  When neither of us responded she nodded and changed the subject.

  “I’ve asked Melody to take a group and check on all the chimes,” Gabby continued. “Will is working on an inventory and we have three boats going out today fishing.”

  “Pat’s put up a new watch schedule,” Cass added with a smile at mention of her boyfriend. “No surprises on it and I don’t think we’ll have complaints.”

  “Who’s looking after the kids today?” I asked.

  “Vanessa and Alicia,” Cass said.

  “How’s Maggie doing?” I asked quietly.

  The little girl had been almost catatonic for a long time after seeing her mother and best friend killed when a bunch of deserters from the army had attacked us. She had slowly begun to come out of it but was far from the same little girl I’d helped rescue back at the beginning.

  “Physically she’s sound,” Gabby said. “Mentally… well, I don’t think she’s the only one who will have problems when all this is done.”

  “Put a psychiatrist on the list of things we need,” Cass muttered.

  “I’ll check on her in a bit,” I said.

  “Becky’s been to see me again,” Gabby added and I sighed.

  “She normally waits till after breakfast.”

  “Well she wants an answer.”

  “What are we supposed to say?” I asked. “This place is the safest we’ve been since the damn zombies began eating people and she wants us to go to Scotland with her in the hopes that the navy have a safe zone?”

  “That’s not all though is it,” Gabby said with a look towards Cass. “We’ve not found anyone else immune to the zombie infection.”

  “I’ll talk to her,” I said. “If she wants to go then fine, but we aren’t forcing anyone else to go with her.”

  “If my blood can help then I should go,” Cass said. “But no one else needs to.”

  “She has her brothers’ data that might be enough,” I said. “Surely she could just take some samples of your blood with her.”

  “Wouldn’t work,” Gabby said. “God knows how long it’d take to get that far north. The samples wouldn’t make it and if they lost them part way…”

  “When is she wanting to go?”

  “A week at most,” Gabby said. “Her leg’s healed and she’s been waiting all winter. I doubt she’d stay longer than that.”

  “Maybe get a list from her of exactly what she wants to take with her and we can ask for volunteers.”

  “I’ll do that,” Gabby said. “You need to go and speak to your boyfriend.”

  “Yeah, that’s going to go down well,” I muttered.

  Gabby smiled thinly and nodded farewell before leaving me with Cass who looked utterly despondent.

  “No one will force you to go,” I said.

  “I know, it�
��s just that…”

  “What?”

  “I’m pregnant,” she said in a rush and burst into tears.

  Chapter 3

  Ryan

  “Where we going?” Jenny asked as I led the way through the thick screen of old trees.

  “South,” I said.

  She fell silent and followed along behind me. I had no need to see her face to know she approved of what I was about to do. Not that it would matter if she didn’t.

  I pushed through the thick undergrowth as we walked down that narrow strip of land towards the southernmost part of the island. I was forced to step over several sets of chimes that had been strung through the trees, careful to avoid setting them rattling. No need to let anyone else know what I was doing.

  The biggest problem I’d found in my time on the island was a lack of someone to kill. That urge to maim and kill that I longed to give in to was slowly growing stronger and I knew that before long I wouldn’t be able to help myself. Someone would irritate me and I would convince myself that they should die.

  That would of course violate the promise I’d made to Lily and she would turn from me. The very idea of that was almost enough to help me contain that need. Almost.

  Instead, I had found other pursuits to occupy me and prevent my killing someone I shouldn’t. I was also more than certain that the majority of people on the island wouldn’t understand or condone what I was doing.

  We reached the southernmost point without incident and found the rowboat much as we’d left it, pulled firmly up onto land and covered by some scrub bushes. It took a few minutes to get it into the water and we both climbed in.

  The distance between the mainland and the island was less than fifty metres at that point which was why I’d chosen it and in minutes we were climbing out onto the shore and tying up the boat amongst the weeds.

  I pulled my knife from its sheath and Jenny did the same. I’d heard the moans of the undead as I walked along the lake that morning. No doubt they’d found something or someone worth eating.

  When the snow had covered the ground I’d had no trouble finding the zombies. They left a fairly noticeable trail after all as they ploughed through it. Since the snow had melted I found myself once again an urban hunter in the woods and I had no real idea of what to look for.

  We crossed the road that ran alongside the lake and passed into the trees. Our destination wasn’t far and I hoped that we’d find some zombies to kill before we reached it.

  Up into the hills we walked as a light drizzle began. I was grateful for the thick waterproof coat and warm woollen gloves Lily had found for me. Jenny following behind was swearing quietly as she pulled her thinner jacket close about her.

  I had no idea why she wore it since it was much better suited to an evening out than traipsing through the woods in the early spring. It barely fell past her waist and only buttoned half way up. She always seemed to wear it though so I imagined she had her reasons.

  We were approaching our destination and I had just about given up on meeting any undead when they appeared through the trees. I did a quick head count and smiled grimly as I pointed them out to Jenny.

  “Five of them,” she said.

  “Start on the left, I’ll go right and we’ll meet in the middle,” I told her before setting off at a brisk jog.

  They noticed my approach and turned towards me, ruined voices raised in anger or perhaps hunger. Their emaciated forms were clothed in rags that were once clothes and vicious wounds covered their bodies.

  So slow I thought as I slid past the feeble grasp of the closest zombie and slammed my knife through the thin bone of its temple. I kicked out and knocked the next to the ground where it lay on its back struggling to right itself.

  The third had a hold on my arm for just a moment before I thrust my blade up beneath its jaw and through the soft palette in the mouth and in to its brain.

  A quick look told me Jenny had taken out one and was on to the next so I turned my attention to the fallen zombie. It thrashed its arms and legs while snapping its broken and rotted teeth in my direction, perhaps hoping I would wander close enough for it to bite into my flesh.

  It didn’t seem to be doing so well. Its grey skin hung loose on its frame and several fingers were missing while others were blackened with decay. I’d already determined they fared better than the usual run of the mill corpse but it did seem that they were slowly starting to rot.

  “You gonna kill it?” Jenny asked as she approached me, her blade still drawn and a look of anger firmly fixed in place.

  “Does it seem… off to you?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Those bites,” I said and pointed to its shoulder where chunks of flesh were missing. “They look recent.”

  “So?”

  “Well, this one’s been a zombie a while,” I said. “So why would anyone bite it?”

  “You sure it’s a bite?” she asked as she peered down at it. “Could have been caused by something else.”

  “Perhaps,” I said.

  While I disliked a mystery, I had other things to do and a need to be back at the island by lunchtime so had no real desire to inspect the festering flesh closely. I kicked aside its closest arm and stabbed my knife down through its skull. It ceased its thrashing about immediately.

  Much to my dismay the killing of the three undead had brought no particular joy other than for a job well done. I may as well have been chopping wood for all the true pleasure I’d gained from the task. That was potentially a problem.

  We didn’t bother moving the bodies. It was too wet to burn them and I had no intention of digging a grave in the half frozen earth. Besides, when the world was covered with the undead, a few corpses attracting vermin were the least of our worries.

  As we continued on our way I couldn’t help but wonder once again at that. When they were animated as zombies, the usual bacteria that worked to break apart the body after death didn’t seem to be doing their job, or at least they were doing it incredibly slowly.

  The other vermin and carrion eaters, the insects and rats avoided them too. Though I had seen proof that flies had laid their eggs in the body; that may well have been before they were animated. After a zombie was killed, those carrion eaters would treat them like any other corpse.

  It was yet another puzzle about the undead that I had yet to figure out. I would though, of that I was sure. That need to know was like an incessant itch that couldn’t be scratched and as such, I was well motivated to find an answer.

  “I’ll check round back,” Jenny said as we approached our destination and I nodded approval in an absent minded way as I watched the house warily,

  Nothing seemed out of the ordinary. It was a fairly standard two storey dwelling with whitewashed walls and discoloured grey slate roof. Dark green ivy climbed the walls and surrounded the door and I knew that as the weather warmed that wall climbing plant would be crawling with stinging insects.

  It had been searched early on by members of our group and anything of use had been taken away. The location wasn’t far enough away from the island to be used as one of our temporary safe camps that were used on extended periods away from our home and sitting out in the open as it did, it would be little use when avoiding the undead.

  All together that meant that no one would ever bother to visit the property unless they had a reason and the ones who did have a reason were few in number. Even so, it paid to be wary and I watched Jenny jog around the side of the house alert for any sign of ambush.

  If the location had been compromised and she was attacked I would have ample time to decide whether it was worth helping her or retreating.

  When no attack came, I approached the front door. The stench was distant but it was there and I spat as it seemed to linger in the back of my throat. I kept my knife steady as I knocked on the door.

  I waited patiently for the door to open, my gaze on the hills and woods around us. If any
threat was to come, it would be from there and I had no intention of being caught unawares. My attention turned back to the door as a key turned in the lock with a solid sound of metal on metal and it was pulled open.

  “You’re early,” Gregg said.

  At least that’s what I thought he said, it was hard to make out what he was saying due to the thick cloth that was wrapped around his face leaving only his eyes and dark hair exposed.

  “Better early than late,” I offered with a tight smile as he ushered me through the door.

  He was one of those who knew what I was and one of those few people I considered a friend. It still amazed me that I actually had friends. I’d never before needed any and not really lamented their loss. Now that I had some, I was surprised to find that I was growing to like having them, though not enough to seek out more.

  “What you here for?”

  “I can’t just come and visit?”

  “Yeah right,” Gregg scoffed. “Like you ever do anything without a reason.”

  “True,” I said agreeably as I inspected the house.

  Most of the furniture that could be easily transported was gone and the few pieces remaining had been pushed up against entranceways to help provide barriers should anything find their way inside.

  The smell of death was stronger inside the house and I guessed that to be the reason for the thick cloth over Greggs face. Faint sounds came from beneath the floorboards and Gregg gestured towards the kitchen.

  “I’ve been staying upstairs,” he said. “The stink isn’t as bad up there. You coming up or want to head downstairs first?”

  “Downstairs,” I said with a smile.

  “Fair enough mate,” he said with a weary sigh.

  Gregg led the way into the kitchen and pulled a heavy metal key from the pocket of his thick coat which he used to unlock the equally heavy padlock on the cellar door. The sounds from below grew in volume as though in anticipation.

  “Here,” he said as he handed me a flashlight. I flicked it on and descended the stairs carefully, knife gripped firmly in my other hand.

  I swung the flashlight around when I reached the bottom of the stairs to let the beam illuminate as much of the cellar as I could. I wanted no surprises.